


Sincerely, Eggsy

by HelldiverOfLykos



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Fluff, Love Letters, M/M, Minor Angst, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love, ish?, pining!Eggsy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-28
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-04-28 15:46:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 6,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5096228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelldiverOfLykos/pseuds/HelldiverOfLykos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of letters from  Eggsy to Harry, following the development of their relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I had this idea for a fic where Eggsy writes letters to Harry, teling him how he felt, but never actually sending them.
> 
> And this is the product of that idea! Hope you guys like it!
> 
> P.S. This is my first go at writing a fic by myself, so please be nice with comments :)

Dear Mr. Hart,

This is Eggsy. The boy you got out of the police station?

Yeah.

I just wanted to say thank you. For getting me out of that, and for rescuing me from Dean and his boys. And for proposing me as a Kingsman candidate, of course. That was nice of you.

I can't stop thinking about what you did in the pub earlier today. That was _amazing._ I had no idea you could do something like that. The way you moved, the speed at which you moved... God, I couldn't keep my eyes off-

Fuck.

I wanted to give this to you, but it seems rather... inappropriate now. But even if you'll never get this, I just wanted to say thank you.

Thank you for believing in me.

Sincerely,

Eggsy.


	2. When Harry Was Unconscious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This note was written during Eggsy's training, while Harry was still out cold...
> 
>  
> 
> Wow. Didn't expect this _tiny_ little fic to get so many more hits in about 12 hours than my massively angsty rp did in... I don't know... a few weeks? ~~Quite~~ Very elated to find out that people actually _like_ my writing (bcos the stuff I usually write is total trash...)
> 
> Thanks for reading!!!

Dear Harry,

(I _can_ call you that, right? Well, not like it really matters because you're asleep right now and you can't stop me...)

Yeah.

I'm getting on well with my training. Well, as well as I possibly can when I'm not worrying about you ~~never waking up.~~ Merlin's been pushing us hard, and I haven't had much time to visit you. Sorry.

But I know you'll be really proud of me when you see what I can do now! I just finished a course on hand-to-hand combat, another one on guns and weaponry, and I just started sniper training. Of course, Merlin had to pair me with ~~that arsehole~~ Charlie (which really sucks.)

You're really distracting, you know. Even lying in the Infirmary, you keep distracting me. I can't stop thinking about the way you looked at me outside the police station, the way you took out Dean's boys (personally, I like to think it's because they compared me to a rent boy... But that's none of my business.) And they way you casually finished your pint after destroying the pub...

Fuck. ~~I can't help but imagine what you could do to me with those very same hands that have taken lives...~~

Please wake up soon, Harry.

Sincerely,

Eggsy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like this fic! There will be quite a few more letters, so this one may stretch to about 10 chapters.
> 
> Oh, and I'm planning on having just one epistle from Harry at the end.
> 
> My tumblr is willasherlyscottholmes if you want to follow!


	3. After Harry Woke Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written just after Harry woke up.
> 
>  
> 
> I _still_ can't believe the number of views and likes I've gotten on this _miniscule_ fic. Thank you guys so much!!!

Dear Harry,

You woke up today. You wouldn't believe how relieved I was. ~~I was beginning to think you'd never wake up.~~ It was so scary. You were so very ~~alive~~ awake before, then Merlin was telling me he wasn't sure if you'd wake up at all (though he didn't use those exact words. I _can_ read betweeb the lines.)

But I loved watching you sleep, anyway. I have absolutely no idea why, but there was this little twinge I felt in my chest as I watched you, ~~even though I knew there was a chance you'd never wake up.~~ You looked so peaceful compared to the fire in your eyes that day in the pub. ~~I just wanted to slip my hand into yours and stroke it as you slept.~~

Harry, I know you probably won't get any of these letters ~~because I know you'll never feel the same way~~ because... Well, it's rather embarrassing, they way I go on about you. But I can't stop. I have no idea why. I can't stop thinking about you and what you would do in any situation or what you would say or how you would deal with it. ~~Not that I mind.~~

You were up and about when I saw you earlier. You even spoke to Merlin about checking out Valentine. Just be careful, Harry. ~~I don't want that to be the last time I see you.~~

I'll be waiting for you to come back.

Sincerely,

Eggsy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm willasherlyscottholmes on tumblr! Lots of Johnlock and Hartwin trash...


	4. At Harry's House

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written during the 24 hours Harry and Eggsy together after the train tracks test.
> 
> In my opinion, Eggsy spent the night at Harry's...  
> I might be wrong bcos I can't remember that part of the movie that well...
> 
> Btw, this has a bit of veryslightlydrunk!Eggsy. Just sayin.

Dear Harry,

I'm in your guest room. You let me spend the night at your place after scaring the shit out of me during that test earlier. And teaching me how to make a _damn_ good martini.

It's really lovely here, even though you kept apologizing for how you don't really clean the guest room as much as you should. It's cozy and kinda posh(ish), but it feels almost like... _home._ It feels warm and safe in here, and not at all like my actual home. ~~Well, I guess it can't be called a home, just a house. Not with Dean around.~~

I really can't believe I'm at your place. I've tried to imagine what it would look like, but it was even nicer than I'd ever dreamed it would be. ~~I wonder what living here's like.~~ Don't ask me why I've dreamed of coming here. ~~It's because I'm fucking falling for you and HOW COULD I NOT. YOU'RE FUCKING PERFECT.~~

I'm knackered and woozy from all the booze tonight, so I'm going to sleep now. Hope I don't puke on your thousand-count sheets. Rohypnol's doing weird shit to my stomach. Or is it the booze?

Just pray nothing happens.

Sincerely,

Eggsy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really glad so many people like this!!! There's going to be quite alot more (like 8 more chapters,) so expect lots of pining and ANGST in the coming chapters, especially since the next one is set _after Harry dies..._
> 
> My tumblr is willasherlyscottholmes if you'd like to inform me of your torment >:)


	5. After The Church

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This note was written after the events that unfolded at the church in Kentucky.
> 
>  
> 
> This. Will. Be. Heartbreaking.
> 
> Brace yourselves.

Dear Harry,

I have no idea why I'm still writing this. Not like you're going to read this ~~because you're gone.~~

You died today. You went to the church in Kentucky ~~and you killed all those people~~ and then Valentine ~~killed~~ ~~shot~~ stopped you. God, he stopped your heart, Harry.

It wasn't like what you see in the movies. There wasn't this big explosion of blood and brains and bone. Just a _bang_ and then blue sky. Then the glasses stopped transmitting, your heartrate monitor flatlined...

And you were gone.

I can't believe it. I won't believe it. But it happened, didn't it? Nothing I can do to change it. And that's what's killing me. 

Harry, I said all those horrible things to you before you left. I called you selfish and sick and twisted and I wanted to say sorry and I thought I'd have a chance to apologize and say all the things I'd wanted to say ever since I laid eyes on you. But I guess it itsn't that kind of movie.

~~Now I'm the sick one. But I guess that's what watching the man you love die does to you.~~

There were _so_ many things I'd wanted to say. But you'll never be here to hear me say them. So I'll just say them here.

I love the way your eyes lit up in the pub as you did that whole James Bond thing with the umbrella and the watch and everything.

I love the way you look when you're alseep, so peaceful compared to the raw ferocity you showed in The Black Prince.

I love the way you look in your suits, and the way the fabric hugs your waist _just so._

I love the way you always look like you know what you're doing. I love your confidence. I love your voice. ~~God, you don't know what I'd do just to hear your voice again.~~

_I love you, Harry._

I'm crying now. I know I look like shit. I've just downed quite a bit of your most expensive brandy (sorry.) But what else am I supposed to do? You're gone. And you left thinking I was a failure. A disgrace. An ungrateful arsehole. ~~How am I supposed to live with that?~~

You said you were going to sort this mess out when you got back. You're not coming back, so I guess I'll fix this fuck-up that is my life. Hey, someone's gotta do it.

I'm going to go to the shop and see if Arthur and Merlin can do anything. Then I'm going to find that son of a bitch that did that to you. And I'm going to kill him. I'm going to take from him what he took from me and I'm going to make him pay.

Rest in peace, Harry. I'm going to stand up and fight for once. I just needed a reason to. But it's really sad that it came to _this_ before I decided to do put my fists up.

I'm going to make you proud, Harry. I just wish you could be here to see me when I come home. ~~I just wish I could come back to/ _you._~~

Sincerely,

Eggsy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is willasherlyscottholmes if you'd like to cry on my shoulder/send me death threats/send me ideas on how to up the angst level....
> 
> Thanks for reading!!! :)


	6. After V-Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This note was written a week after V-Day.
> 
>  
> 
> This one's going to hurt. I think I shed a couple of tears writing this. Ok, maybe more than _a couple._ If you'd like, I put up a playlist for this chapter on my tumblr under the **Sincerely Eggsy** tag. Just be careful with that stuff. It is angsty AF.

Dear Harry,

I did it. I saved he world.

It's been a week ever since V-Day. To say that things were hard would be the Understatement Of The Year. Cities were thrown into chaos, countries into panic mode, and government leaders were scrambling to get their nations back on their feet. Even then, people still banded together to help each other out in the aftermath of the carnage wreaked worldwide. Amazing, really, how the human race can put aside all previous differences and come together when their species is threatened.

I'm writing from your grave. Well, it's not really a grave. You're not here. They searched the whole of the grounds of the church, but they couldn't find your body. It's bad enough that you've been taken from me. Why did I have to be denied the closure ~~that would come with a black coffin with your name across it?~~ your body would bring?

Then again, I hope never to have Merlin tell me they found your body. It's not much, but it's just a _tiny_ little ray of hope. You might still be alive. I don't know if I'm going crazy or if I'm in denial, but I know you're still out there somewhere. ~~Who am I kidding? You're never coming back. Hell, I watched you **die.**~~

Things haven't been easy at Kingsman. Merlin's had to clean up the whole fucking mess without breaking protocol or alerting the world to the presence of Kingsman, Roxy's been clearing out Valentine's shit, trying to destroy any research that could be used to recreate V-Day, and I've just been trying to cope with everything. ~~I think I'm starting to understand why you always drank so much.~~

It's been hell for me. After V-Day, after the high that comes from saving the world, I crashed. Hard. It just hit me harder than ever that you weren't coming back. The gravestone dedicated to you made it worse. As did the nightmares.

Every time I close my eyes, the scene replays: Valentine pointing the gun at your head, the burst of flame, the flash of blue sky, the spatter of blood on the camera. The _bang_ from the gun haunts my dreams. I wake up every night in ~~your bed, surrounded by memories of you, by your smell, by the last pieces of you that I have left~~ a cold sweat, my heart trying to break out of my chest.

I don't think I can do this for much longer. It's not easy, you know ~~watching the man you love die in front of you.~~ Shit like this fucks a person up. I've thought so many times about putting my gun to my head and pulling the trigger and just leaving ~~the way you left.~~ I meant what I said to Chester. I'd much rather be with you than anywhere else. But the thing that always stops me is you. I don't want to let you down again. I don't want everything you did for me to go to waste. I don't want to disappoint you again.

I guess you'd like to know that I'm being knighted as the new Galahad next week. I wanted to take your name, even though Merlin thought that I wouldn't. I want to do your name proud. I want Galahad to down in Kingsman history. This is my memorial to you, Harry. I will be the person you wanted me to be. I'm almost finished with my transformation. ~~I just wish you could be there to see it.~~

~~There's just one last thing I have to say. If you're out there, somewhere, I want you to know that I love you. I've realized that from the moment Valentine raised his gun to shoot you. I would have traded places with you in an instant. I just wish I had told you sooner. Before you left. For good. Merlin keeps telling me to let go, to move on. But I can't. I'm still in love with you, and I always will be. I just wish you were here to hear my say the words.~~

I'll try to let go. I promise. You wouldn't want me to get hung up on you and be distracted from my work. ~~You wouldn't feel the same way, anyhow.~~ I can't guarantee that it will happen, but I'll try. For you.

~~Sincerely,~~

Love,

Eggsy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if I have destroyed any lives or damaged hearts beyond repair.
> 
> My tumblr's willasherlyscottholmes if you'd like to send me death threats/your pain/ideas on how to kill even more people.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Psssst. Guess who's coming back in the next chapter...


	7. When He Returned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written the day a certain somebody returned...
> 
>  
> 
> Hope you guys have enjoyed this so far! This chapter will still be a little angsty, but it's not as bad as the previous one. Things can only get better from here...

Dear Harry,

It's been three months since the church. Since they put up the gravestone. And I get called to the shop for a meeting. Merlin didn't say what the meeting was about. I walk through the door of the conference room, and guess who's sitting there? **You.**

You looked just as you always did, bespoke suit, perfectly coiffed hair, and as alive as ever. You looked perfect. Except for the scar on your left temple, of course. ~~Where Valentine shot you.~~

I remember thinking that I was hallucinating. I must have said it out loud, because you said, "Eggsy, I'm really here. You're not dreaming."

I remember the room turning white and my chest tightening. I think I collapsed to the floor, because the first thing I remember seeing once the white haze lifted was your face looking down on mine. You were holding me in your arms, stroking my face and hair and asking me to wake up. ~~I've never seen you so scared.~~ I asked you if you were really here. You said yes, of course, you said you'd come back to sort that mess, but it looked like I'd already done it for you.

I was gripping your arms the whole time, trying to convince myself that you were really there, and that it wasn't all just a cruel, twisted dream. ~~I've dreamt that you came back before. I'd look at your face after embracing you, and it would be mangled and bloody. Then you'd tell me that I was a fucking disappointment. And you'd shoot me.~~

I think you kissed me. It was just a light brush of your lips to my head, but it felt like I could die there and be content for eternity. But somehow, I still couldn't bring myself to tell you how I felt about you. I guess the time just wasn't right.

I don't know how long you held me for. I picked myself off the floor eventually and ran. I'm sorry. I just needed time alone to sort things out in my head. ~~If I'd stayed there any longer, I would've cracked and told you everything. I couldn't tell you. You'd just come back from the dead. I didn't want to burden you with a silly infatuation.~~

Don't get me wrong, Harry, I really am glad that you're back. It's just that I've been trying to cope with losing you for 3 months, and this was a bit of a suprise. I had almost convinced myself that you were never coming back, then you just appeared in the shop like nothing had happened. To say it was a suprise would be a massive understatement.

Don't expect things to be the way you left them, Harry. V-Day changed everything. It changed Kingsman. It changed Merlin (somehow.) It changed me. I'm living at your place now, I'm using your codename, I'm falling asleep every night only to wake up as the bullet slams into you head again and again and again. Losing you changed me in ways I could never have imagined, and certainly not for the better. Don't expect me to be the same sweet, innocent boy you left behind. I've transformed.

I can't write for too long, Harry. You're in the bedroom, clearing my stuff out and into the guest room. I can hear you grumbling about how much shit I've cluttered your bedroom with within 3 months. I think I'll go and help you so that you don't get too mad and blow my head off ~~like in my dream.~~

Love,

Eggsy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is willasherlyscottholmes if you're looking for Hartwin ~~trash Hell. And Johnlock. And random shit.~~


	8. After Their "First Date"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written after Eggsy had a _special dinner_ with Harry.
> 
>  
> 
> FLUFF AND SUPER MINOR ANGST TODAY! PREPARE TO EXPLODE!!!!
> 
> Song for this chapter: Begin Again by Taylor Swift.

Dear Harry,

Tonight, we had ~~our~~ the first dinner together since you came home. You made this _wonderful_ lasagna and everything just _perfect._ It was just you and me ~~exactly the way I dreamed it would be.~~

It was as if Kentucky and V-Day had never happened. ~~It was as if I had never wondered how it would feel to have my own bullet rip through my head like it ripped through yours. It was as if I had never had those nightmares where you came back from the dead and shot me. It was as if I had never wished I could end everything and join you somewhere beyond the world, beyond the pain of living without you, beyond the emptiness I felt every day.~~

I think I might have imagined it, but you seemed _different_ today. There was a softness I have never seen before in your eyes. Something I just _knew_ you have never showed anyone but me. Your touches seemed to linger, as if you couldn't bear to let go. There was a new level of warmth to your voice that was never there before. But then again, you were dead to me for 3 months. Maybe they were things that had always been there that I had never noticed before. Maybe I was just making it up, overexcited at having you back. ~~Or maybe you love me and I was too blind before to see it.~~

We acted like we had never been scarred by what happened those 3 months ago. It was as if someone had hit a restart button and turned back time. We were given a chance to choose which path we wanted, instead of having it thrust upon us like we couldn't control our lives. ~~I was given a chance to love you again. I promise I won't fuck it up.~~ We were given a perfect opportunity. I hope you took it. I know I have.

I remember going to bed the happiest person in the universe. But I woke up as a caged animal, haunted with the gunshot that I know all too well. It was the same dream: you coming back from the dead, me embracing you, and you killing me. It was a knife this time. I hugged you tight, and suddenly felt a sharp pain in my abdomen. You had stabbed me. I saw red. I pulled my gun. I pointed. I pulled the trigger at your head. _Bang._

You gripped my arms as we both collapsed to the floor. I think I was screaming your name. I can't remember. I was too busy trying to get over the fact that I had just shot ~~the man I love~~ you. I remember someone shouting my name. I remember being shaken. _Hard._ And I realized that wasn't part of the dream.

I shot my hand under my pillow and pulled my knife out. There was a dark figure above me. So I pressed the knife to its throat.

Than the haze of adrenalin cleared a bit and I realized I was pressing the knife to _your_ throat. There was a look of pure terror in your eyes, even though the rest of your face was as neutral as it is possible to be with a knife to your jungular. You whispered my name ~~and I broke inside.~~ I dropped the knife and tried to come to terms with the fact that I had almost killed you ~~like in my dream.~~ You just gathered all the pieces of me into your arms and told me it was all a dream. You told me I was screaming your name in my sleep. You told me that you had nightmares, too. You told me you couldn't sleep anymore. You told me how broken you were.

You held me until you could release me without me having a panic attack. You held me with my nose pressed into the crook of your neck. You had your arms wrapped around me and your cheek pressed to my forehead. It would have been perfect if we hadn't gotten there because you killed me in a dream. I almost told you. But you said it first.

It was barely a whisper. You didn't _say_ it. You _breathed_ it. That's the only word to describe it. There was a tiny "I love you" breathed into my hair. A brush of lips to my forehead. That was the last thing I remember before sleep finally took over.

I woke up this morning in your arms. Just the way it should have been from the start. I slipped away. I made myself presentable and went to HQ as fast as humanly possible. I hate myself for doing that. I don't know why I did that in the first place. I'm sorry, Harry.

You're in the conference room two doors down the hall. I'm going to face this, Harry. I'm going to tell you. I'm not going to wait until either one of us is dying before telling you just how much you mean to me. Wish me luck. I hope I haven't blown this completely by running away from you. I hope you'll give me a chance.

Love,

Eggsy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for keeping with me even through all the angst. I'm pretty sure lots of you are planning my murder, but I wanna tell you that I LOVE EACH AND EVERY PERSON THAT HAS READ THIS FIC. THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME REALIZE WHAT I CAN ACTUALLY DO WHEN I PUT MY MIND TO IT. Like killing hundreds of people from my computer. I'M JOKING KAY, I meant writing my own stories and having people read them and think they're GOOD.
> 
> Thank you for helping me realize my potential!
> 
> Comments are always welcome, and my tumblr is willasherlyscottholmes if you'd like to chat with me (bc I'm bored af like all the time and I'd really like to meet more Hartwinners.)


	9. After Harry Kissed Eggsy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written after Harry kissed Eggsy.
> 
>  
> 
> The fluff has officially arrived!!! I'm very sorry, but I seem to be completely incapable of writing smut decent enough to post at the moment, so I'll save that for another fic. The rest of this will be super fluffy and cuddly. Though the last couple chapters may slay another couple of hundred people simply because IT WILL BE TOO SWEET TO HANDLE.
> 
> I won't tell what they're about, tho...
> 
> Hope you guys like this one!

Dear Harry,

You took it better than I expected. You took it so well, you full-on kissed me in front of Merlin and Gawain. Not that I minded, of course.

I'm a bit upset at myself, though. I didn't even have the courage to say the words out loud. I just scribbled those three words on a scrap of paper and passed it to you. But after you glanced at the paper, you grabbed my face in your hands and kissed me in the middle of Gawain's debriefing. I'm pretty sure I _squeaked._ But then the _rightness_ of it hit me and I was kissing you back, returning your embrace, and it was _perfect._ I didn't care if Merlin was watching. I didn't care if Gawain was watching. I wouldn't have cared if it was my _mum_ watching us. In that moment, it was just you and me. Exactly how it should have been from the beginning.

I finally whispered the words against your lips, and you said that you knew, that you were so sorry you had never told me earlier. I said pretty much the same thing in return. I almost apologized for running off this morning when you pressed your finger to my lips. You said that I didn't have to apologize because it didn't matter anymore. What mattered was that we had finally found each other.

For once, I had nothing to say. But Merlin did, the prick. I didn't take any notice. I was too wrapped up in you to notice anything else. But I think Gawain was smirking at us, and not in a nice way (she took pictures of the whole thing and showed all the Kingsmen. Not that I mind.)

You're in the kitchen, making dinner in that apron of yours ~~that makes you look ab-so-lute-ly fuckable.~~ I think you put Taylor Fucking Swift on (why, Harry? WHY?) I think I can smell pasta dough and mushrooms (ravioli, obviously. Fuck yeah.)

Tonight's going to be special, Harry. I can feel it. Tonight is the start of something new. Tonight, we start again. _We_ begin here. Not Harry Hart. Not Eggsy Unwin. But _us._

Now I'm going to take that _horrible_ stuff off before "Shake It Off" starts playing and my eardrums burst.

Love,

Eggsy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope I haven't offended any Swifties! It's just that I though it would be funny if Harry listened to something as random as _Taylor Swift._ Ya know?
> 
> You know the drill. Comments are welcome, my tumblr's **willasherlyscottholmes** if you want to chat or squee with me over Hartwin or Johnlock.
> 
>  
> 
> Btw, I'm thinking of writing a series based on lyrics from Boys Like Girls' song "Be Your Everything." I love that song, and the lyrics gave me lots of ideas for fluff. And angst. Duh. What did you expect? I'm basically the Queen Of Sad Songs.
> 
> Any ideas and prompts are welcome!


	10. Somewhere In Between

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written some time after the last note...
> 
>  
> 
> Sorry, guys, I haven't updated in a few days bcos I:
> 
> #1, Had to fix another fic of mine that AO3 posted with like 90% of the words missing,  
> #2, Watched Spy (which was literally one of the silliest things I hae ever watched, but enjoyed anyway),  
> And #3, Had absolutely no motivation to write (but IT'S BACK NOW!!!)
> 
> Here's your fluff!

Dearest Harry,

It's been some time since I last wrote, mostly because I haven't needed to. Everything I've wanted to say to you, I've said (except for these letters.) But I've been thinking about us lately, and there's so much more that I want to say that could never be articulated. I can't describe how I feel in spoken words, but on paper, the words just flow.

Things have changed so much. We don't tiptoe around the house anymore. We don't turn 180 degrees and walk the other way when we hear the other coming. The tension in the air is gone. My bed has been unused since I told you. We have dinner with each other every night we aren't dining with ambassadors or presidents or prime ministers. The kisses we share, no matter how long or heated, are never enough for either of us. The touches of skin to skin feel exactly like the first times, lightning and electricity and fire and ice all at once. The only thing that has stayed the same is _us._

I love you. I can never say that enough. But it's more than an emotion or an attachment I feel toward _just_ you. I feel it for everything about you, for everything you do, for everythig you _are._ I love the way you look in the mornings, all sleepy and grouchy and _not_ like a posh gentleman spy that could shoot you without batting an eyelid. I love the way you smile at me every time you look at me (except when you'ee scolding me.) I love the way you hum your favorite songs while I fall asleep to the rhythm of your heartbeat.

I hate you at the same time. I hate the way you insist on checking every assignment I get sent on for potential threats and delaying the whole operation for _days._ I hate the way you get so overly worried whenever I end up in the infirmary, whether for a stab wound, a dislocated arm, a concussion, or a bad cold. It _used_ to be cute, but you've started going overboard recently. I hate it when you get overly protective. But I love all these little things about you, too. They're what make you _you._

I guess this is what it means to truly love someone. You love them whether they hate you or not. You love them no matter what they do. You love them whether they love you back or not. You love them no matter what happens to them. You love them no matter who they become. You love everything about them, from the things that are lovable to the things that make you want to off yourself. You love them until forever, and then you love them for another eternity, and another, and another, and another. There is nothing you wouldn't do for the people you truly love.

Harry, I've changed so much. I've gone from a rebel on the streets to a gentleman that takes down drug lords like it's nobody's business. I've gone from a silly little boy in love to a broken and scarred heart to a man who has found another who truly cares for him. I've changed so much because of you, love. I've changed so much _for_ you. I want you to know that I'm never going back. I want you to keep changing me.

I know I've been changing you, too. I can see it in the way you hesitate for a split second before shooting anybody. You've been having nightmares about Kentucky. You power through the church, and after you shoot the last person, the red clouding your vision clears to reveal my dead body. Now, whenever you aim to shoot, you see me on the other end of the gun. You have to remind yourself that it's not me you're shooting before you squeeze the trigger. You wake up almost every night screaming my name. It's heartbreaking to see you like this. But it's even more heartbreaking to think of what your nights would be like without me by your side. I can't think what would happen to me if I had continued to sleep without your fingers entwined with mine. My nightmares subsided a few weeks after we started sleeping with each other (in every sense of the word). You calmed my night terrors. I just wish I could calm yours.

Dearest, I must go soon. We have dinner with the Russian Ambassador and his wife, and I haven't put my suit on yet. You're yelling at me from downstairs to _hurry the fuck up, WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE AGAIN!!!_ We won't have a quiet moment for the rest of the night until we get home. Then, we'll have all the time in the world to appreciate eah other, if you get what I mean.

With all my love,

Eggsy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm working on another Hartwin series based on a Boys Like Girls song: Be Your Everything. Any ideas for fics are welcome!
> 
> And I'm always looking for people to chat with and rp with on tumblr. **Willasherlyscottholmes** if you're interested (or as bored as I am.)


	11. After Eggsy Said Yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can guess what happens. The chapter title says it all.
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter will have a bit of narrative, but there will still be a note. It'll just be very short ;)

Dear Harry,

You asked me today. I said yes.

I have absolutely no idea how to describe how I feel. I've been staring at this sheet of paper for half an hour.

I love you, Harry. I love you so much.

Love,

Eggsy

~~~

 

Darkness.

_Where am I? What happened?_

Images flashed through Eggsy's mind.

_The base. Of course._

Eggsy remembered now. He had been in a bunker in the mountains (exact location was classified), deep undercover in a gun-running rig. His cover had been blown by their contact within the rig (he had been _persuaded_ to give up the information) and had been chased around the base, trying to escape.

Unfortunately, he had been dashing through a room full of explosives when a particularly stupid guard had decided to take a shot at him. They soon found out the hard way that guns and massive quantities of plastic explosive DO NOT MIX.

Eggsy had barely enough time to dive out of a window as the entire room exploded. The last thing he remembered was rolling down a snowy slope and hearing the rumble of the avalanche behind him.

He opened his eyes slowly, squinting in bright light of the infirmary, and inspected the room.

Kingsman Infirmary at UK HQ. Beeping monitors around the bed. A figure slumped at the side of his bed.

_Harry._

The corners of Eggsy's lips curled up in a small smile. Poor Harry. He had been-

Wait.

His hands were clasped over Eggsy's. Between their hands was a small box.

_Oh my god._

Eggsy eased Harry's fingers off his and slipped the box out from under Harry's hands.

Inside the box was a thin gold ring. Inscribed inside the ring were two words: _forever_ and _yours._

~~~

Eggsy's soft cry of suprise jolted Harry from his slumber.

_Eggsy._

Eggsy lifted his head, his hand over his mouth and his pretty green eyes wide with suprise.

Harry smiled slowly, trying to shake the sleep from his mind. He slipped the box from Eggsy's long, slender fingers and cleared his throat.

"Eggsy, dear, I almost lost you today. I was watching everything with Merlin. I now know how you felt when you saw Valentine shoot me. Watching you being swallowed by the avalanche was one of the most painful things I have ever had to do.

I felt an overwhelming wave of sadness and regret wash over me. There had been so many things I hadn't said or done. I want to do all those things while we still have time.

So I want to ask you to marry me. I will take whatever answer you- mmmph!"

Eggsy had grabbed Harry's face and kissed him full on the lips.

"Idiot. You actually thought I might say no, didn't you?" Eggsy murmured against Harry's lips.

Harry nodded.

"Of course I'll marry you, darling. There's nothing I'd want more."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short one for today! Comments and kudos are always welcome, as well as any ideas for fics!
> 
> I'm **willasherlyscottholmes** on tumblr if you're looking for Hartwin or Johnlock trash. I'm always looking for RP partners, so if you have any prompts, you know where to find me ;)


	12. On Their Wedding Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This note was found on Harry's bedside table together with a large manila envelope with a few smaller envelopes inside, all sealed shut. All were addressed to Harry.
> 
>  
> 
> This is it, guys! Final 2 chapters! These will be especially fluffy to make up for all the angst earlier, so enjoy!

Dearest,

By the time you have found this, we'll be married and you'll have followed my explicit instructions on the envelope to read this when I'M NOT THERE. You'll understand why later.

In the big envelope, there are a bunch of short letters I've written to you, but never sent. They're all very personal. I wrote them like you were going to read them. I've poured out my heart in them. I've written things in them that I wanted to say in person, but never dared to.

I want you to have these, Harry. I want you to read them and know how I felt at these points in our relationship. I want you to know how much I love you.

By now, I know I'm asleep in your arms. You're still awake only because you like to watch me while I sleep (Merlin told me). You like to see how peaceful I look as compared to the first night after you cme back when I ~~nearly killed you~~ had that nightmare.

Harry, dearest, I know you found this when you reached over to turn the lamp off. I know so much about you. And now you need to know more about me.

Read these letters while I'm still asleep, Harry. I don't need to relive some of those moments of my life. Yes, there were letters written after happy moments, but there were also letters written in some of the darkest days of my life ~~like when you were shot~~.

(You'll notice gow I've gone from using Mr. Hart to Harry to Dearest and Love when addressing you. You'll notice how I've gone from using Sincerely to Love to sign off. This is how our love has grown.)

I love you so much, dearest. We have the rest of forever to live out the promises we've made to each other, said or unsaid. We have the rest of forever to prove our love for each other. I can't promise that I won't screw it up, though. I know you can't either. But I know we'll try our very best not to. I know we'll try to make the rest of our forever as perfect as we can.

Love,

Eggsy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thanks to all the beautiful people who have been reading this! Thanks for all the kudos and lovely comments I've been getting and for sticking with this very evil piece of Hartwin trash!!!
> 
> I'm **willasherlyscottholmes** if you'd like to chat, RP, or drop random shit in my ask box!
> 
> Stay tuned for a special last letter!!!


	13. Harry To Eggsy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a letter written to from Harry to Eggsy after he opened and read the letters.
> 
>  
> 
> Aaaaaah, it's the final letter!!! I know some of you have been waiting for this (shoutout to Neko_Wa and Little_Miss_Darling!!!), so I'm gonna do my best not to disappoint!

My Darling,

You'll have found this letter on my pillow this morning. You'll be wondering where I am. You'll be wondering what happened.

I'm downstairs by now, cooking breakfast for my _husband_ (I wonder who that could be...) If you're wondering, I read the letters last night. You were right. I did find the envelopes on my bedside table when I reached over to turn the lamp off. It's nice to see you putting your observation skills to good use.

Don't be embarrassed by any of the things you've written. My dear boy, it's so lovely to see your heart bared to me during those periods of your life. It's lovely to see how much you trust me with your very deepest thoughts and emotions.

Darling, I may never do the same for you. I'm so very sorry. But I only keep the darkest moments of my life from you because I don't want to see a beautiful bird's wings clipped. I don't want to burden you. I want to continue seeing that sweet innocence in your eyes every time my name slips from your lips.

I know you'll say that you want to share my burdens, but let me keep this one thing from you, darling. You are a picture of everything I lost. I want to keep you from suffering the same fate as my former self.

You're asleep beside me as I pen these words, my love. You're right. I do love to watch you as you sleep. You look so... peaceful, almost angelic. ~~I still can't believe you're all mine. You have no idea how long I've waited so see you like this, to have you in my arms, to kiss your moans from your lips.~~

You said something about having the rest of forever to live out our love for each other. I think you're wrong. I think that what makes our love so special is the brevity of life. If love doesn't end, why is it so special? Things are only precious to us if we can lose them, if they have an end, if they have limits. This, dearest, is why we should make the most of our present.

I'm sorry if I seem pessimistic, but the value of life-- of love-- truly is determined by its limits. It is a beautiful, yet frightening thing. Believe me when I say I want us to last forever. But if you remember our wedding vows, they _do_ say "till death do us part".

I apologize once more if I seem cynical, but as I have said before, the beauty of love is in its limit.

My dear Eggsy, we have the rest of our lives to live out our love for each other. I suggest we "seize the moment", as you might say, and make every second with each other count. After all, we don't exactly have the least dangerous jobs in the world. ~~You never know which mission could be your last.~~ Make the most of our now, dearest. You never know if our love will be remembered for eternity.

As long as love lasts,

Your Harry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It. Is. Done.
> 
> I really can't believe I actually got this far! Thanks to each and every single one of you for reading and being such lovely people! I hope you loved this as much as I did. I had such a fun time writing this and discovering why writing fanfic is so fun! You get to make all the cute little headcanons just a litle more real and mess around with the characters ~~other people's lives~~.
> 
> Thanks again for reading and commenting and leaving kudos ~~and ranting about the angst~~!!!
> 
> *whispers* If anyone is intersested, I'm currently working on a Frozen!AU Hartwin fic. Check my tumblr ( **willasherlyscottholmes** ) out for developments... Or just subscribe to me. Yeah, I know, I'm shamelessly self-promoting, but I'd really like to know if people are actually into this kinda shit. Btw, there will be angst. Just saying.


End file.
